MomsSayTheDarndestThings

Things to make you laugh, cry and think.

Why my OCD is a good thing..

My baby spit up on her jammies before she went to sleep last night, so I decided since it is so damn hot I would let her sleep in a diaper. We have the a/c set just slightly higher than we would like, because we would rather not have to take out a loan for the utility bill. She was sleeping soundly, until I had to go to the restroom. I have the process down now after 6 months. Turn the light on the ceiling fan on by the chain, do the pee dance while picking up and checking under each stuffed animal, plastic toy and the boppy pillow in the crib. (call it OCD if you want, but I am always freaked out about ants, scorpions, etc. This house has made me seriously paranoid) Anyway, Then I put her in the crib, run around the corner flip on the light, run into the bathroom, and flip on that light. I almost always have to put down the freakin’ toilet seat because my husband likes to irritate me. I pee as quickly as possible, wash my hands, run out turning off lights on my way. As quick as I am, she almost always wakes up and is fussing, which I like to limit because with 4 other kids in the house that go to school, I don’t want my morning to start at 1 or 2 a.m.  

Yes, I co-sleep with my baby, people are either fine with it or think I am the worst person in the world. I am an extremely light sleeper, so if she moves, I am awake and there is no possible way I can roll on top of her without breaking my arm, so she is absolutely safe. Not to mention I sleep with her at the foot of the bed so there is no way for dad to roll on her or cover her with a pillow either. I have it down to a science now after all these kids. That being said, now back to my night time tee-tee process…

For the last 6 months, every time I had to go to the restroom at night it has been a ritual. Except last night. The t.v. was on, I was tired, so I skipped turning on the big light.  There had never been anything in the crib when I checked before so I gave a cursory glance as I put her in the crib and ran to the bathroom. I was gone about 1 minute, that includes the 30+ seconds to wash my hands. I went back, still didn’t turn on the light looked at her when I picked her up and didn’t see anything on  her at that point. She’s really white, so I can usually see the freckle she has on her right arm even by the tv light. I laid back down with her and she was kind of fussy. Then I smelled a weird smell. Like rotten… something. I saw a little drool on her face so I wiped it, I thought maybe she had spit up or something but the smell was really gross. I grabbed my phone and shined the light on her, then I smelled my phone, my hands that had just touched my phone and her and her face but it wasn’t any of those things. Then I saw IT! Something dark, skinny and on my baby!! Then it crawled onto me. I carefully moved my baby over away from the area we just were so if it fell off of me it wouldn’t get her. I jumped up, tore my shirt off and threw it onto the floor. (I hate all bugs!!) .  After I was sure it wasn’t on me, on her or the bed, I picked her up, wiped her down with wipes, made sure it wasn’t in her hair or diaper, did the full crib check and put her in there. By this point she was screaming bloody murder! I wasn’t sure if that thing had bit her or stung her or even what the hell it was. I grabbed my shirt and there it was on the floor. A MILLI-FREAKIN-PEDE!!! I grabbed the wipes I had thrown down after I wiped her down and picked the thing up, tried to smash it once, twice and on the third time I squeezed it so hard it sounded like it popped so I was certain it was dead. I threw the wipes with the dead offender in it at the trash can and of course I missed, but I left them there so I could show my husband when he woke up. Then I did like five full body shivers. (By the way, my husband sleeps like he’s dead, so all the commotion, the screaming baby and whatnot didn’t bother him one bit). I picked up the baby wiped her down again, looked for any stings, red marks, irritation, I smelled her all over looking for the smell that thankfully had not stayed on her anywhere. I obsessively shook out all of the bedding, noticed the blanket on my husbands side of the bed was touching the floor which I hate, shook it and pulled it back up. I left the light on, completely freaked out and wondering if that vile thing had been in the baby’s crib, or had it fallen off the ceiling in the bedroom or bathroom? Had someone brought it in on a shoe or sock, or had it sneaked in and crawled up the blanket that was touching the floor? I Googled it got all the info I could to make sure my sweet baby would be ok. Still, it said some people have allergic reactions, so I stayed up for hours watching her.  I fell asleep about 15 minutes before my hubby’s alarm rang. He looked at it and confirmed it was a millipede.

Well there is something to be said for my OCD and I will be sure never to fight it again.

My mom started an Indiegogo fundraiser for us, please check it out. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/they-dream-of-disney We would really appreciate any donations.

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Robin Williams death is a reminder…

The world has lost an amazing actor, hilarious comedian and all around good man. I was saddened by the news of his passing and was in disbelief when I read it was suicide. How terrible that he brought joy and laughter to so many, but was unable to do that for himself. How sad I feel for those he left behind. I don’t believe that suicide is taking the easy way out or that you are punished for doing it. It breaks my heart that there are those in such despair that they believe that ending their lives is the only way out.

Unfortunately, I know a little bit about this. My aunt took her own life in 2012. She was also a great person. She was always joking and making people laugh. There was no indication, at least not any made to me that she was feeling depressed or suicidal. A week from the last time I talked to her, my husband found her, in her garage having taken her own life by carbon monoxide poisoning. I would find out later that she had discussed considering suicide two other people. One took her seriously, but did little to stop her, the other didn’t believe she was capable of it. For days we didn’t know it was a suicide or that there was a note. We thought that maybe she had fallen or had a heart attack. A note was finally turned over to us and I was shocked. It told us in detail how she was feeling. That she had been planning to do this for some time. She said no one could have stopped her and that it didn’t matter what changed in her life, she would never be happy. She always seemed so happy, so full of life and she was so giving of herself to others, but she couldn’t make herself happy and neither could we. Looking back, I guess there were subtle hints or clues that she wasn’t happy, but I never knew she was suffering.

Depression is a very serious thing. If you or someone you know feels hopeless, like there is no way out, PLEASE SEEK HELP. Before it’s too late.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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Nightmare at the Children’s Museum

I had a long night last night, didn’t go to sleep until after 1:30 am and the next thing I know my smallest sweetie was demanding to be fed at 2:30 am. Then at 4 am the hubby’s alarm goes off. About an hour later, fed the baby again and then I got to sleep for about an hour before the bigger kids came in.

My baby just started fruits two weeks ago, so this morning I gave her bananas. Baaad idea! I had no idea she was congested, and she spit up on my Mom. It was like Attack of the Killer Banana Blob! Gross. Of course my mom was wearing a black shirt and the blob seemed to be trying to eat her! She was covered. Thank God for extra clothes.

As soon as the baby was feeling a bit more like herself I got my kids ready to go to the Children’s Museum. I am surprised, but thankful that my 6 year old peeled her pink glitter tutu, tiara and high heels (my wedding shoes) in favor of some capri jeans and a nice shirt. My 8 year old with autism dressed herself just fine. My oldest daughter said she brushed her hair, but I am wondering if she used a spaghetti fork to do it, and of course I didn’t notice how bad it was until we were in the car. Thank heavens for my “mom fingers” which are apparently better at brushing than whatever she used, though I suspect it was nothing. My son decided to wear a pair of blue, white and dark blue shorts with a vertical pattern and a burnt orange Texas Longhorns jersey. I went through about five shirts before he found one he liked.

I looked up the directions to the museum from my house and they told me to take three different highways and four different streets. I thought about it for a minute and chose an address from a street about a mile and a half away, typed it in and the directions were go straight down that road and turn right. Which would you choose? I took the first set of directions…NOT! There is a parking lot about 50 yards away from the museum on the same side of the street, no crossing of traffic required. I go around the block to park in the virtually empty parking lot and it’s closed!!! It says “No Parking, Reserved”! For who? Maybe Wonder Woman’s invisible jet, the Enterprise using it’s cloaking device, or maybe the Invisible Man was doing a protest and was lying across the parking spaces. Anyway, we navigated the ridiculously narrow and one way streets to finally find the parking lot that was across the street from the Children’s museum, because you know the entrance can’t be on the street you are actually on. We finally found our way in and proceeded to drive up this really narrow spiral like yellow driveway that is in pitch darkness. When I turned on my lights I saw car paint everywhere and it didn’t surprise me. After 10 minutes of thinking we found a parking space only to have it be handicapped or reserved and driving up seven stories I finally managed to squeeze my suv into a space. We managed to make it to the elevator and down to street level without incident. All 6 of us crossed the two streets and made it to the museum.

I had a certificate for a membership so I had to fill out paperwork and my daughter with Autism was trying to run off the minute we got in the door. An eternity later we were exploring the museum. This place is three levels with a huge flight of stairs, I parked my stroller and took out my baby and proceeded to carry her in my arms thinking it was required, since they had “stroller parking”. After I hiked up all those stairs, I learned two things. 1) you don’t have to park your stroller, no one else does and 2) they have an elevator hidden in the back. We went to the mezzanine level first, the kids played in an airplane and then we went downstairs and they played in a tree house, a mock bank, an old time store, they played with ball launchers and blocks.

Things were going well, though the baby was getting hungry. I saw a sign earlier that said to ask for the key to a “private nursing area”. I thought, “how nice”. I was WRONG. The guy opened the door to hell, at least that’s what the temperature in the room felt like. There was no vent in there, so no moving air. The floor…let’s just say I don’t want to know what was on it, but it was naaaasty. There was an enormous fluorescent light an old wooden rocking chair that had a crusty pillow on it and squeezed in next to that was a white metal changing table that I wouldn’t even change my car’s oil on and another crusty pillow. The room was the size of a handicap restroom stall, only the restroom stall would probably be cleaner and more comfortable. I moved the crusty pillow and chuckled when I saw the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall. I wondered if I could bathe myself and the baby in it. I slathered it all over my hands and proceeded to feed the baby. She is 5 months old and I kid you not, she ate sitting up straight, she was not leaning on anything in that room. She didn’t nurse for very long, just enough to hold her over.

After that, we went to the lowest level. My oldest bought snacks for her sisters and brother and they ate. Then they played in a mock grocery store. The baby started to get fussy so I told them we needed to get going and I didn’t want any trouble. They agreed. They LIED!!! My son wanted to visit the art room he saw earlier, we decided to try to find it on the way out. We visited the airplane level and it wasn’t there or at least we didn’t see it. They said they wanted to look on the entrance level and they wanted to take the stairs. I had to take the stroller down the elevator and told them I would meet them there. For some reason the elevator takes 10 minutes even tough it’s only a 5 level building. I finally make it down there and I don’t find my kids. I hear my oldest yelling at my son, then I see him and tell him to come down from the tree house. He doesn’t. Then I see a blur which was my 6 year old running away from my oldest daughter and then I see her blur. I look on the other side of the building and spot my 8 year old and tell her to come down. She actually does. Then my son does, then my oldest has my 6 year old and they get to the front where I am and she makes a run for it again, going to look for my son who is standing right by me. My 5 year old and 8 year old decide to make a break for the gift shop. This is a disaster, they always insist on getting something everywhere we go, but this time, I didn’t have the time or the funds. My son comes out with something I can only assume costed a ton, because that’s what he always picks. I told him no and he went to throw it, I must be getting faster because I managed to stop him and went and put it back, he ran off. I move to go after him and my 8 year old asks for a stuffed turkey or a raccoon digging in a trashcan, I’m not sure what. (Later I found out it was a cat). She starts bawling at the top of her lungs and I am giving up. I get my 6 year old who finally made it back, take her hand, take my 8 year old’s hand, walk over to the stairs my son ran down and told him “we are leaving”. This does nothing, I head to the door, he heads back to the gift shop. At this point I now have the crying 8 year old and a 6 year old who decides to lie down on the ground in protest and I’m pushing the stroller still. I start to drag her along, I’m holding the other’s hand and now pushing the stroller with my boobs, I manage to turn every thing around and back out of the doors to the museum and go outside. My oldest is still trying to get my son to leave, he’s not now I have to get back inside with everyone use a finger to open the door a little and my foot to open it the rest of the way. I hand off my little girls to my oldest and make a move to get my son who does some kind of magic and is instantly shoe-less. And he’s laughing manically. I look around and all the parents are chuckling, of course I realize how ridiculous we must look. If today was a Sunday paper cartoon it would be something like The Family Fiasco. I finally got everyone out, though as I am pushing the door open with my foot trying to get my stroller out while holding my son’s hand and his shoes, some lady thought I should hold the door open for her and her kid; how rude. I fought with my six year old while she laid down on the ground outside like she was making filth angels on the pavement. We finally got across the street, through the parking lot, into the car, down the 7 stories, through the serpentine exit, paid the 8 freakin dollars for parking, managed to navigate the one-way streets and finally made it home. I wonder why I’m tired.
photo (2)
Just one of the many times she was on the ground today.

If today had theme music, what do you think it would be?

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Things My Kids Say…

Thinking about my post the other day about things I never thought I would say, I remembered these little gems…

“Mommyyyy!…she hit me in the heartbeat!!”

(While pulling various items out of her drawer that didn’t belong to her) “Somebody put these in here, not me though”.

“Stop that, butt turd”.

Kitty: “Mom, I need that blue thing that goes with the other thing”
Me: “What blue thing”?
Kitty: “The blue thing that goes to that other thing!” (getting aggravated)
Me: “I have no idea what blue thing you are talking about, honey”.
Kitty: (storms off and yells) “You don’t even KNOW what I am talking about!”

When my son was about two or three, my husband brought home Sonic for dinner. He had a foot long chili cheese coney. My son being the ever observant boy he is stood up on his chair, pointed at his father’s hot dog and said at the top of his very cute baby voice “That’s a BIG ASS hot dog!”. We were dumbfounded to say the least, and tried not to laugh but it was kind of hysterical.

Me: (after seeing all the things my daughter had in her drawers) “Are you stealing stuff from your brothers and sisters again?”
Kitty: “I’m not, anymore”.

My son was watching my husband play a football video game and he told my husband “Son of a Monkey’s Uncle!!, You can say that cuz it’s not a bad word”.

“Meaniac”- a word created by my daughter Kitty (6yrs old) after someone cut us off while I was driving part meanie and part maniac.

The following were things other adults have said…

“It’s a mute point”.

“My bag.” (that one really made me laugh)

“Put it in the chester drawers”.

“I never learned to play chest“.

(When playing Scrabble my sister played the word MART, her boyfriend at the time said the following) “MART? That’s not a word.” (we went and got a dictionary and showed him the word and he responded) “When was that ever a word? What is that, some kind of new age dictionary?”

“Scotland is in Ireland, right?”

“I think I breathed nauseous fumes”.

(Same game of Scrabble mentioned above, same guy) “Woe!? What the hell is that? That’s not a word you spell it whow! Like whow horsie! I can’t believe you are trying to cheat like that”. (We explained that woe was a feeling, I couldn’t even make this up, he the said) “No that’s woeisme, and it is spelled w-o-e-i-s-m-e.” (I think I should also tell you that this guy’s mom is a teacher!! And he was being absolutely serious.) (Yikes!)

Words my children have called each other:

camel face

monkey’s butt

stinky foot breath

poop turd

potty nose

stinky diaper head

and wicked evil princess

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Ugh…

My mom and I had the bright idea to have a yard sale in Central Texas, in August!! It was over 90 degrees, thankfully not 100 but still hot. My mom made a little money and I made less than squat. You know what’s worse than having to set up a yard sale? Taking all that crap down and putting it away. The permits here are for two days, so we packed up and stored all the stuff on the porch. Then this morning we decided we didn’t want to do it today after all. It sucks to have to put away all the junk that we didn’t get rid of. Oh don’t get me wrong, we won’t keep the bulk of it. But we have to put it somewhere until we separate the clothes and toys so they get donated to the proper places.

This morning started out all right I guess, we decided early that we wouldn’t have the yard sale and I was draggin butt. My mom suggested I use her gift card to go get Starbucks which I did, but first I had to go pull up the yard sale signs we stuck in the ground down the street. It felt like the first day on my new legs so to speak because I got out of my Durango and somehow managed to take a wobbly step and slam the side of my leg right just under my knee into the pointy part of my car door! It would’ve been hysterical if it had happened to anyone else. Not sure how I made it to Starbucks after hobbling back to my car. However, now I know I can be half asleep and still order two frappuccinos correctly. I drank mine and still continued to move in slow motion. I realized my kids did not take their meds and that’s why I spent the day breaking up fights about clothes, Wii games, Goosebumps vs. The Haunting Hour on Nextflix, and Ritz crackers. My 5 year old son tried to play the road to glory on NCAA football 2013, but luckily didn’t delete his dad’s game. I tried to be all slick about it and shut it down before it saved, but dad found out anyway…oops. Their Grandpa and Nana brought them new school clothes so we got to see a fashion show, then realized it was time to go through the drawers and find out what doesn’t fit. I think I’ve done pretty well today for not sleeping more than 3 hours a night for the last five and a half months! I gotta tell you right now that I might be seeing a medium sized green haired troll playing poker with a garden gnome while sitting on top of a pink elephant wearing a purple tutu. Perhaps it’s time to get a little bit of sleep. Goodnight all.

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Things I Never Thought I’d Say…

Just a few things I never thought I’d say until I had kids…

Did you smear poop on the wall??

Who painted the bathroom mirror with toothpaste?

Is that a pop-tart stuck to your butt?

Can we just throw his clothes away? There is no way I’m washing that poop explosion.

Did you just barf off the top bunk onto the floor? I hope it didn’t hit your sister.

Did you just eat that pencil eraser?

No, you cannot have pixie sticks for breakfast.

Why does my house smell like baby poop everywhere?

Did you just call 9-1-1?

You are just a little too young to go ghost hunting.

Ewww, your arm stinks! (after coming out of a cast for a broken arm)

Washing means you use SOAP!!

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